I know that a ton of men have experienced the difficulty of infertility and so very want to be a parent. It can be extremely frustrating to go through those times of hoping and praying that something will change; something will miraculously happen. For some, it never happens. For others, it happens after waiting a long, long time.
I read this article about a man that has the slowest sperm in the world. Yes, after 31 years, he found out he’s a dad. Okay, I’m totally joking around here, but just consider that guy’s life. From the article, it very much sounds like he wanted to be a dad and just thought that he would never be able to. Then, out of the blue, he found out he’s a dad and grandfather. What an amazing story!
Yeah, I don't think that's going to fit her....
Now, you’re probably asking, how is he going to adapt to suddenly being a dad? Well, I admit that it’s a little different given that she’s a grown woman and a pretty good distance away. But why not a Daddy-Daughter Date? Why not pick something that he can do with her just one-on-one? Obviously, they’ve got 31 years of catching up to do, and that one-on-one time can let them have those deep, personal conversations that they’ve always wanted to have.
Never too late
It’s funny how life works. You believe something about yourself for so long, you don’t even consider it being different. Some of us think that we’re not good with home repair, finances, or truly listening to our spouses. This guy believed he would never be a Dad, but always wanted to be. If I had the chance, you’d know that I would say to him, “Welcome to the club….and thanks for being a Dad….”
I’ve been hearing from a number of dads on how they spend one on one time with their daughters. It’s amazing, encouraging, and inspiring to hear how so many fathers get directly involved with their daughter’s lives. Because of those times, you get to see great ideas each week here at the Daddy Daughter Date blog.
I was totally blown away when I read this article about an LPGA golfer who was using her dad as a caddie. I mean, seriously, how cool is that? Think from his perspective. You start off buying her that first set of clubs. Maybe they were made of Hasbro plastic, but either way, she swung with gusto. Being a professional, you see a glint here of rhythm; a quick view of her shoulders making a perfect turn.
You start to nurture her skills. A few extra minutes past her bedtime, early morning putting before the course was even open, endless buckets of shag balls. You’re gently coaching her, keeping in mind she’s still your daughter, but encouraging her as fails along the way.
Miles and miles are spent in the car going to golf meets. Golf gloves and bags for Christmas. Trophies start entering the home. She goes on and makes the tour, and you get the first phone call.
And now, after all that and the years of watching her grow, you get to be right along side her to watch her compete. Not just on the green at the end or watching on the TV, but right beside her.
Whether she wins or doesn’t even make the cut, you have to admire a dad that has invested the time with his little girl. She obviously sees it and wants her dad to still invest that time. If I had the chance to talk to him, I’d say, “Thanks for being a dad….”
I guess so. A NY Times article points to some new research indicating that fathers have lower testosterone levels than other males. The Canadian study looked at a large number of men, both dads and men sans kids, and reviewed their levels of the manly man stuff in their blood.
The reason I really like the NY Times article is that it calls out a specific fear that I had: if I don’t have as much testosterone, that makes me less of a man, right? WRONG. Dead wrong. In fact, lower testosterone can help you in the later years. Ever hear of prostate cancer? Yeah, well, higher levels of testosterone have been linked to prostate cancer.
But I know what you’re thinking, because I was thinking it to, and no you’re not suddenly going to want to stay up crying at the Notebook or DVR the red carpet. You’re probably just going to be a bit more patient, with your daughter and your spouse. You might even get more good effects like being slower to anger. Apparently, I’m still waiting on my T levels to drop enough to affect that one.
The study calls to a higher message as well: our masculine bodies are engineered to be dads. Females, we’ve known are just wired for mothering, but now we have some evidence that shows ours bodies physiologically react to being a dad and do so to sustain a healthy family environment. Is that not cool? So being a dad of a daughter, you might have been worried about your testosterone. Worry not, you KNOW it’s going to change. But it would have changed anyway, no matter the gender!
So be encouraged. Your little girl not only brings a smile to your face and warms your heart, but she also helps your body to adapt to being a great father.
Thanks for being a dad….
I was a bit taken back by the title of this article: It’s a girl? How to cope when your baby isn’t a boy. Seriously? I’d hoped that we have gotten past that thinking, but I guess we live in a culture that continually tells us we can have exactly what we want (a lot of good that does us, few of us really do have what we want). But I would have hoped that we’ve gotten past the “It HAS to be a boy” mindset.
If you’re a new dad or expectant dad and a girl is what is slated for you, don’t believe the old adages of shotguns at the door and spending your life savings at her wedding. There is SO MUCH MORE to being a dad of a girl. It’s exciting, interesting, maddening, and so very filled with creativity.
Here’s the other trick: you actually have to live like a man. With a boy, you can directly teach him what a man is. With your daughter, you have to model it. A tough charge, for sure. But your daughter is worth it. Oh so worth it.
Still upset that your baby isn’t a boy? Give it a little time, you won’t ever be again.
Thanks for being a dad.
- Scott -