So unless you haven’t picked up a paper, checked any of your social media outlets, or crawled out from underneath that rock, you heard that Jessica Simpson and her fiance Eric Johnson welcomed their baby girl into the world. I’m totally pumped that Jessica Simpson finally had her daughter, because of two reasons:
#1 – it gives me one more reader as there is another dad out there with a daughter
#2 – the media will stop covering the whole thing
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think Jessica is all that everyone makes her out to be, but let’s face it: that convulsive head thing she does when she sings COULD NOT have been good for that baby in utero. But seriously, maybe motherhood will change things up for her. Just after the kid gets over her name. Oh, you didn’t hear? The daughter’s name is Maxwell Drew Johnson.
Now, the Johnson part I get. The Drew part is cool (Jessica’s mother’s maiden name) and is sort of like Nancy Drew. But Maxwell? For a girl? Look, I might take some flak here, but if someone is going to stand up to celebrities that name their kids weird things, it should be this blog.
Take for example, the following daughters of celebrities:
Alcamy – Lance Henriksen / Mary Jane Henriksen
Ever Gabo – Milla Jovovich / Paul W. S. Anderson
Tu Simone Ayer – Rob Morrow / Debbon Ayer
Brody Jo – Gabrielle Reece / Laird Hamilton
And it wouldn’t be a list without Zappa’s kids:
Moon Unit and Diva Muffin – Frank Zappa / Gail Zappa
All I’m saying is that I think it’s a bit unfair to already throw the kid into a tumultuous upbringing like Hollywood. Now you add some really odd name that require them to follow an initial introduction up with “Really.”
So this is an open plea to Mr. Johnson:
Dude, you need to change your daughter’s name. Your fiancee has been attributed, whether factual or not, with some of the most public blunders known to this generation. You can avoid one more notch on that flag pole. Find yourself a baby name book, look at the top ten girl names last year, and do the ole’ cover and point.
A quick sharpie marker, a few record updates, and just tell Jess that it was her idea. I’m pretty sure she’d swallow that hook. If not, that’s okay. Just take her on a few Daddy-Daughter Dates when she’s old enough. Thanks for reading and thanks for becoming a new dad…