Daddy-Daughter Word Search

Your daughter is a puzzle.  That much, you’ve figured out.  One second she’s happy and giggly, the next she’s upset how her shirt feels on her waist.  You buy toy after toy only to have her play with the box.  And if you could even keep count of the number of rocks she’s brought in to the house, you could tile your back patio.  Your daughter is a puzzle.

Don’t ask

Why not take that to a literal form?  She’s a puzzle, but she’s unique.  She’s quite like you…and her mom.  She exhibits so many qualities that you just don’t see in other kids.  She finds the extraordinary in the ordinary.  She finds laughter in the most unexpected of places.  Those are a few to start with.  Make a word search out of it.

The people over at Discovery have a really slick program that will let you customize a word search using whatever terms you want and make it whatever size you want.  If you want to communicate how you feel about your daughter in a fun and interactive way, congrats, you found it.  Check it out.

When you make her word search, think of those singular words that describe your daughter.  There could be hundreds and that’s okay, or there could be just a few (also okay).  Pick words that communicate those things YOU see in her.  How about words that give her a sense of who she WILL be?  Don’t just put “brown eyes” or “plays”, dig deep.  Here’s a list that probably fits everyone’s daughter:

fun

beautiful

inquisitive

horses

ballet

biologist

laughter

loved

mature

sister

friend

daughter

But it’s also a puzzle, so there is still some brain work being done here.  It’s a win-win, really.  You communicate a message that builds her self-esteem, she confirms that message by completing the word search.  Every word she finds gets locked in to her brain as “That’s what my dad thinks of me”.  Those messages are so key as she grows and the world tells her different.  Be louder than the world.

Thanks for reading and thanks for being a dad….

-Scott-

p.s. – Here’s a word search I made for my readers…

Daddy-Daughter Date

B O C Y T E S U N R I S E V D L M S B D 
J H V U U C I O U K B W T D A B H M H Q 
V J D Y Q T W K N R Q S C X D O O Z Z C 
N L X W A Z P H R O M Y X G D Y K B T W 
L T X H Z A L Y P N G P N G Y O H B C K 
Z U V S T S S E Q R Y I H D P G N I Q N 
P E M A G D R A O B T E T A D J W X Y K 
L I R B B A C T S A M X L S P Q E U R V 
O Q V O H I N J K H B N E R V U Y B E B 
D A V Z A T N S D T F R M Q C P I S C E 
P W O Q Q R T F Z U Z T Z I B Q Y V O M 
R F V D C B E G K V L P G C N Y O G R C 
P W V G R D X T E P A Z R J P B I Y G R 
S Z R U S C W N H C S D E S G H U B S M 
O S B Y W D B M V G I M N R T X A D M O 
R G B M G Y A P I R U H T Y O E K L H P 
M V M P F W X Q H D R A T V H I N S K G 
R I V J D Q Z B E S R L D V M G L N Z V 
Y A G D X T Q T C K D Y T G T B U A I Q 
X Y R P K N A U M V U P D X V Z W E R S 

BOARDGAME
DADDY
DATE
DAUGHTER
GROCERY
ICE
OPERA
SKATING
SUNRISE
TENNIS
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This makes it all worth it

Look, blogs aren’t the most popular things to read out in the Internet, well, at least mine isn’t.  But there are SO MANY of them, which means there are so many people slaving away in front of a computer screen; and for what?  For a few visitors every once in a while that drop by.  Often to promote their own blog. 

But then, you receive that email/note/tweet that makes it all worth it.  Here’s the one I got from Kristi (notice it’s not a dad):

I was just lead to your blog by my husband. We have two daughters, 6 and 2, and are expecting our third little girl in September.

I grew up in a house with two younger sisters do I’m familiar with the dynamics of an all-girl household, plus my Dad.

Growing up, I was always seeking my dads approval. Whether it be test scores, track races or wearing a pretty dress. He never really acknowledged these things. In fact, he often joked about those subjects, never ever really telling us how proud he was of us. My sisters and I grew up and are still quite insecure women and I attribute this somewhat to my dads inability to show his love and/or praise.

Raising two (soon to be three) daughters ourselves, my husband and I have always felt that a strong daddy-daughter unconditional relationship is so very important. In fact, my six year old and husband go on many daddy-daughter dates from the driving range to quadding to quiet afternoon matinees. These moments melt my heart as I know how beneficial these are to our daughters well being.

Thank you for your blog and insight on daddy-daughter relationships. After perusing your blog today, I laughed and I cried, but most of all, it reinstates the fact that there is no greater relationship than that of a dad and his girls.

Thank you!
I have to say, I am touched.  Normally blogs are one of those things that you don’t always see the impacts, but you put it out there hoping it’s hitting home.

“You like me! You REALLY LIKE ME!”

Kristi told me three big points there: #1 – Her husband was the one that found the site and it was something powerful enough for him to pass on #2 – That she is a living testament to a father’s impact, whether conscious or unconscious #3 – That there is a dad making a difference in the lives of 4 women.

That’s why I love my readers.  Whether you guys (and girls) respond or not, I’m honored that you’d stop by the blog and that you take the time for your daughters.   Thanks for reading and thanks for being a dad….

-Scott-

Seeking dads approval

One of my guilty pleasures in life is watching The Biggest Loser.  Yes, I admit it fully.  For whatever weird reason, I get a kick out of people turning their lives around and start new.  Imagine that.  Outside the normal “I’m overweight because of a sports injury” or the “I’m a mom that has given everything to everyone else”, there is the occasional story that makes you stop and think.

As in, what were they thinking adding Anna Kournikova?

This season, Emily, brought to the table some stuff that hits close to home.  She was an Olympic athlete (not unheard of), she walked away from the sport (not unheard of), and has since never felt the approval of her father *record scratch*

Yeah, her story might have talked about how she used to be an athlete, but when you watched her in the episode where she went back home, it was all about her trying to gain her dad’s approval.  He was her coach, you see, so he had expectations for her.  As she tried to make sense of her emotions, she said, “I just want my dad to be proud of me.”.  She’s 29 years old.  She’s still not confident in her own skin because her dad never told her she could be.

Might need a spotter

Doesn’t that bug you a bit, boys?  Your daughter, whether she’s 3 or 30, should know that her dad has her back.  Does she?  Stop yourself before you answer too quickly.  Is it only when she achieves that you give her praise?  Is it when she scores the goal or she hustles?  Is it when she has 100% on the exam or when she does her chores without being asked to?

Look, it’s tough as a dad.  We’re wired as hunters and brought up to achieve.  We climb invisible ladders in our day jobs, trying to bust through glass ceilings, and pay for that mansion that just keeps up with the Joneses.  We leap like kangaroos when our team drains the 3 the buzzer and hang our heads if our team was just shattered.  But our daughter doesn’t have to feel that conditional love from you.

Time to be there for her.

Are you un-conditional with your love?  Does she know that?  If you’re looking for the words to explain it, simply try this:

You: Honey, do you know why I love you?

Her: Why?

You: Because I’m your dad.  Am I always going to be your dad?

Her: Yes.

You: And that’s why I’ll always love you.  

Then just back it up by truly loving her when she walks, not runs, down the court.  When her test comes back with a 62% on it.  When her hair is knotted and her room is a mess.  Show her that unconditional love.  Love her when she doesn’t think you do.  She, just like everyone else in this world, is looking for that unconditional approval.  If she doesn’t find it from you, she’ll find it somewhere else.  If THAT doesn’t wake you up, check your pulse.

You have the opportunity to raise a strong, confident woman.  All it takes is your dedication and love.  Don’t raise a grown woman looking for her father’s approval.  Raise one that knows just how unconditionally loving her father is.

Thanks for reading and thanks for being a dad….

-Scott-

Don’t encourage a Playboy appearance

I didn’t want to write about this.  I really didn’t.  I usually try and avoid the negative stories and talk about the good things that happen for dads and daughters, but I just had to comment on this.  Lindsay Lohan’s dad backs her Playboy spread.  Look, I’m not the most up on internet stuff, but I know what Playboy is and only very large boulders could keep you from hearing about Lohan’s misadventures.

Almost enough to cover the Kardashian thing

Let me just state this simply: this is not right.  A dad shouldn’t applaud his daughter reducing herself to physical eye candy for monetary gain.  He shouldn’t see a situation like this and feel like things are okay.  I know this is a slippery slope, but let’s look ourselves in the face here.  Stop what you’re doing and truly answer this: Do you want your daughter to be in Playboy?  Simple “yes” or “no”.

 

Now, I know that’s somewhat subjective and as parents we back our kids, but look at what we’re doing right now.  We’re taking the time to invest in our daughters, to show them that they are loved, that they are capable of anything, and that they have something meaningful to do in this world.  We’re not teaching them to be strippers, we’re teaching them to be teachers, scientists, moms, historians, and artists.

 

I know that Lohan and her dad have had a tough relationship, but even Chris Rock that said, “They don’t grade fathers, but if your daughter’s a stripper, you [messed] up!”.  And that’s coming from Chris Rock!  These are all pretty harsh words for this blog, but I hope you’ll forgive me.  I’m really tired of things like this in the media portraying messed up relationships as the norm.  We can avoid it just by being a good dad.  Being there for her.  Spending one on one time with her.  Showing her she’s loved.  In the end, it’s the most important job we’ll do.

He probably got offended by that Chris Rock quote

Guys, go out and do it.  Not because you’re trying to avoid some future consequence but because it’s the right thing to do here and now, for her.  Don’t look at that news story and just think “that’s messed up” while your daughter plays on the floor by herself.  Don’t sit back and wait for 15 years to fly by and wonder where it all went.  At ANY AGE, she’s looking for time with her dad.  Get involved; spend the time with her; go out and do it.

A simple statue, a simple message

Thanks for reading and thanks for being a dad…

 

-Scott-